RECIPE: Lemon Herb Zucchini

This recipe walks the fine line between veggies and candy. Short neither on flavor nor butter, it is one of my favorite side dishes to make and to eat. Some might think that such large quantities of butter undermines the integrity of the holy squash, but those people are probably iconoclasts and I think our irreparable differences extend far beyond taste.

I make these at home; they are something of a house favorite (chortlechortle). But in all seriousness, this recipe is intended for normal human servings, not catering sizes. Hurrah!


LEMON HERB ZUCCHINI 
Prep Time: 5-10 Min.
Cook Time: 15-18 Min.
Serves: 4-6

INGREDIENTS

• 3 Regular-Sized Zucchini
• 5tbls Butter (move over, Paula) 
• 3tbls Lemon Juice (or, One Lemon)
• 1tbls Basil Flakes
• 1tbls Garlic Powder
• 1tbls Parsley Flakes
• 1tsp Olive Oil
• 1 tsp Salt
• 1/2tsp Black Pepper
• optional: 1tsp Lemon Zest

Removing the stem and blossom (read: both) ends, slice the washed and rinsed zucchini into thin coins, just thick enough to stay opaque and hold their shape (floppy and see through are just a hair too thin). 

Into a large skillet or frying pan, pour 1 tea spoon of oil. Using a paper towel to wipe it, spread oil over the entire pan. This will keep the butter from burning; the towel will collect excess oil. When it's spread, toss the towel. We don't need that anymore. Then heat the skillet to medium-high (halfway between full blast and half-assed heat). 

Melt three tablespoons of butter in the skillet. With your spoon/spatula/utensil of preference (I opt for wooden spoons, but I'll only judge you a little otherwise), keep that patty moving for an even melt. It should be bubbling nicely. Dump your zukes right into the skillet and toss them about so they lay something resembling flat. This is where you throw in two more whole tablespoons of Butter with the little discs so the zucchini are evenly drenched. 

Toss in your basil, parsley, garlic powder, pepper, and salt. Push your zucchini about with your spoon so the herbs touch each coin, then squeeze the lemon (or, pour the lemon juice) evenly around the pan. Trick to get more juice out of the lemon is to stick a fork in and squeeze, wriggling the fork around a bit. If you decided on lemon zest (or, zemon, as I just typed) you can sprinkle that here. 

Cover with a lid or, if you're me and cooking in your parents' house where no two glasses match, a square of foil, and let simmer. They cook surprisingly quickly, so keep an eye on the clock. If you, like me, are fussy, you can lift the cover and mess them around from time to time to keep those little zukes on their toes. 

Let them simmer up to fifteen minutes, or until your thickest piece is just tender. If you wait for them all to be see-through, you'll have awful zucchini mush. You definitely want more opaque than not.

So there you have lemon-herb zucchini. I'm pairing them with balsamic chicken and tomato herb rice (I like me some basil, I kid you not), but they're not shabby over pasta with a little grated parmesan, or next to grilled steak, or quinoa, or whatever you hipster children like these days. Enjoy! 

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Whew!